Morrissey, Jimmy Kimmel & Duck Dynasty
This is “What’s Making Me Happy This Week,” a weekly feature inspired by the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast. It’s pretty self-explanatory.
What’s Making Me Happy This Week is the bizarre feud that has developed between Morrissey and Jimmy Kimmel. By way of background, Morrissey has been ill for some time, hospitalized for a bleeding ulcer and something called Barrett’s esophagus, leading to the cancelation of many tour dates. Out of nowhere he was then announced as a guest for this past Tuesday night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, which would be his first appearance before resuming his tour the next night and then doing a huge show at LA’s Staples Center with Patti Smith on Friday night. With the announcing of the resumption of his tour, Morrissey declared that Staples Center would be 100% vegetarian during the show. This forced the Staples Center to put out a release contradicting Moz’s claim. Perhaps this mix-up is what prompted Morrissey to then cancel his JKL appearance upon finding out that Duck Dynasty was booked for the same night. He forced Kimmel’s hand with an ultimatum – him or Duck Dynasty – saying that they “in effect, amount to animal serial killers”.
At this point, I investigated a bit to find out what in world Duck Dynasty was, since this was the first I’d ever heard of it/them. Apparently, Duck Dynasty is a popular cable television reality show, in its 3rd season on A&E, which follows the antics of the Robertsons, a Louisiana family that’s made its fortune producing stuff people use to hunt ducks – duck calls, decoys, and the like. I am not making this up. This show really exists and has really made it to a third season. I’m not an animal rights activist by any means so I don’t object on those grounds to the existence of this show. What it says about our society that people actually watch this sh*t is a whole different matter. But I digress.
Morrissey didn’t appear on Tuesday night’s JKL, whereupon Kimmel of course mocked Morrissey for his position. (Among other things, he suggested that Morrissey shouldn’t be making TV appearances of any kind, because, for example, when he appeared on David Letterman’s show recently, “there had to be an Outback Steak House ad in the mix.” Kimmel also showed a pre-recorded bit where Duck Dynasty “hunted” vegetables, using a “carrot call” to lure the carrots.) Morrissey watched the show (that’s right, one night before resuming his tour he stayed home to watch Jimmy Kimmel Live) and commented on it thereafter, criticizing Kimmel for everything from ridiculing depression and healthy eating, to promoting gun control and animal cruelty. And though he didn’t address Kimmel’s comments towards him, he did say that Kimmel “has finally revealed his show to have an overwhelming loss of meaning. Tune in and relive the intellectual fog of the 1950s.” Kimmel responded immediately with a tweet: “note to Morrissey – if you have more dumb statements to make, I invite you to make them where I do, on my show”, then followed that up on Wednesday night’s show, addressing the feud (his “Warissey”) as follows:
This has nothing to do with people who eat meat versus people who don’t. I’m completely respectful of people who do not eat meat…but the statement he made is ridiculous. So I’d like to invite him to join me on the show to discuss it. Because I’m an open, evenhanded person, who considers all points of view. So you are invited, Morrissey, to talk this out, and perhaps we’ll be better men for it. But probably not.
Jimmy Kimmel is no stranger to feuds, both real and pretend. And anyone with a cursory familiarity with Morrissey knows that he can get a little crazy when it comes to meat. (Well, everyone except the person responsible for booking Jimmy Kimmel’s guests that is. Seriously, he or she booked Morrissey but wasn’t familiar with Meat is Murder?) But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the new king of late night would be at war with the Pope of Mope. I suppose it was inevitable though – former host of The Man Show vs. the man who thinks there would be no wars if all men were homosexual – they are natural rivals. In any event, I’m happy to have more Jimmy Kimmel in the spotlight, more Morrissey in the news, and even a little more Duck Dynasty in my life, if for no other reason than its nice to have something to look down upon.
I had planned to add another paragraph here, but with apologies to Matt Damon, I ran out of time. And that’s What’s Making Me Happy This Week.
 A little joke for the JKL fans.